Our Love Story - Part Two - He Wasn't a Twitter Killer

Remember when I said the next installment would cover from our first date to World Youth Day?  Yeah, that was a little too ambitious.  Hope you enjoy this series at a slower pace than originally planned.  I'm savoring the details!  Missed Part One?  Catch up here!

 Part Two - He Wasn't a Twitter Killer

Could an online and phone friendship translate well in person?

That was my main worry as I prepared for our first date. 

It's happened to me a few times that I'd met a guy who was interesting, funny, handsome, a practicing Catholic...but in the back of my mind, I'd be thinking, “Oh, I hope he doesn't try to kiss me!” 

I usually gave myself three dates with those guys, and if at the end if I was still thinking, “Please don't kiss me!” then I'd gracefully attempt to part ways. With Bryan, if needed, that would be easier since he lived miles away, but I'd be really disappointed.

We agreed to meet at Cavatappo Wine Bar on Third Ave in New York City. Bryan had to travel in from Jersey, and I just had a few blocks to walk since I worked nearby. I changed in my office's bathroom into a striped Land's End skirt, blue blouse, and high heels; added a fresh coat of make up; and downed half a Cosmo at a local dive bar (I'm a lightweight and was worried what would happen if I drank the whole thing). I was the first to arrive at the restaurant and waited awkwardly by the door until the waiter made fun of me, and then I picked a table.

It was a hot day for late June, and Bryan texted me that his train got into Penn a little late. He'd try to take a taxi, but at rush hour, couldn't find one and had to walk for 20 minutes before hailing a cab. After texting back and forth a few times, I put my phone away so I could work on looking cool and collected before he arrived.

He was taller than I'd imagined, with a broad smile and strong arms that swept me into a big hug.

I'd raved on and on about how good the pizza looked on the website, and promptly ordered lasagna instead, giving Bryan great insight into how I make final decisions. 

He gifted me two books, which I've still never read (sorry, Bry!).

The conversation flowed so well that it was easy to pick up and walk to Ayza Wine and Chocolate for dessert. He offered me his arm, and it felt like a dreamy New York June night. We chose a selection of chocolate crafted on the premises. Bryan ordered a glass of milk - totally adorable. I excused myself to take my contacts out and returned with my glasses on. 

In the course of a few hours, we'd grown comfortable with each other and dropped some of our glamor.

The date ended with a hug in Penn Station, and both of us catching our respective trains.  I was glad he hadn't tried to kiss me - yet.  Maybe in the future, if things continued to go well...

Bryan told me he'd be back sometime in June, and we knew we would see each other again.

I went to bed happy and was still a little dazed and tired the next morning.  It wasn't until halfway through my morning commute that I realized I hadn't dressed properly.

As I came into work, my coworker asked, "How was your date?!"

"My shirt is on backwards," I replied.  I meant, "I had a great time and my head is in the clouds."  She might have thought I meant something else, whoops!

And just for fun: one of our engagement photos, taken my my mom after our photographer bailed on us!

 

Guest Posting at Captive the Heart!

Heartache.  Tears.  Frustration.  Worry.  Insecurity.

These are all things I've battled in the past year regarding getting married and having s-e-x.

Although delighted and grateful to be called to marriage and to have met the man I'm made to enter the Sacrament with, I fell into a spiritual, emotional, and physical funk as our time of discernment and engagement began.  

My husband-to-be had not waited for me.

I had known the whole time we dated that he was not a virgin but as he was revealed to be my husband, this sexual past wounded me and stirred up a number of insecurities.

Click to read the rest of my guest post (and please comment!) at 

Stephanie's wedding blog, Captive the Heart!

P.S.  Thanks to the wonderful Stephanie for allowing me to guest post!  She is such a darling!

#7QT - Sunshine, Skylines, Mansions

1.  OUCH!  Last weekend the weather was in the 60s with beautiful sunshine, so I sat outside to write my bridal shower thank you cards.  After a half hour, I noticed my hands were tingly and stinging badly...turns out the medicine I'm taking makes me more susceptible to the sun.  My hands are badly burned, and my dermatologist is very worried about me honeymooning on St. Thomas.  Whoops!  Pray my hands look normal before the wedding?  Thank you! 

2.  Words of wisdom from Venerable Fulton Sheen: "There is, therefore, no such thing as "old maid" or a "bachelor" from the Christian point of view.  These terms apply only to those unhappy ones who have found no will to share, no purpose to fulfill either in heaven or earth." (Three to Get Married 85) 

3.  I've been writing a guest post and it's taken most of my resolve not to just copy and paste all of Three to Get Married.  Read it, friends!  It's one of the best books on marriage I've read, second to Pope Pius XII's Dear Newlyweds series.  These two wonderful (unmarried, might I add) men have addressed so many aspects of marriage I've wondered and sometimes fretted about and have been a great source of encouragement to me!

4.  I live on an island but my day-to-day routines make it seem like I'm landlocked.  Why do I deny myself this beautiful view?

 
5.  After an afternoon meeting this week, my boss let me go home early.  I was right by Sands Point Preserve, a historic site I've always wanted to visit!  The preserve features 3 Gold Coast estates (3 because after one of the main mansions was built, the wife said she didn't like it! and her husband built her another), the most famous of which is Falaise, the home of Harry F. Guggenheim.  As luck would have it, Falaise wasn't open this week and you can't walk to it, so I'll have to go back again in the summer!

Castle Gould: the wife rejected this mansion, so it became the servants' home.

 

Hempstead House: more suitable to the wife's tastes

6.  Bryan and I are visiting another spectacular historic mansion tomorrow to take engagement pictures.  The lush gardens are going to be a magnificent backdrop!  Hint: the house was featured in the movie "Cruel Intentions," if you've seen that.

7.  Today is First Friday!  Everyone hold me accountable...I really want to go to Adoration tonight.

From A Meditation Before the Blessed Sacrament: "My child, you need not know much in order to please Me; only love Me dearly.  Speak to Me as you would talk to your mother, as if she had taken you in her arms."

Have a wonderful weekend!

#7QT: Gazing at Ranunculus

1.  My sweet godson/youngest cousin turns 5 next week!  Please join me in falling over in shock and disbelief.  There are no babies in my family anymore!

2.  There are 29 days until our wedding!  I guess I can no longer say, "Hmm, we'll worry about [insert planning item] later."  The time has come to actively finalize those plans!  Flower petals need to be ordered, DJ playlists confirmed, and the bridesmaids need a little direction on jewelry and hair.

3.  Thanks to the many prayers of CathSorority women, I packed one box of clothing this week.  Now at least I know I can wear my ugly work clothing or winter sweaters in June, if I need to!  Whew, baby steps.  

4.  Spiritual Motherhood has been on my heart for the past year or so.  I've started posting little snippets, which I call Spiritual Motherhood Reminders, on the blog; and I'm delighted that Pat Gohn's new book Blessed, Beautiful, and Bodacious expounds on the topic!  On her recent blog tour, she shared a 10 minute podcast with Tips for Aspiring Spiritual Mothers.  Check it out!  Chock full of tips to help us encourage, inspire, and love the women in our lives.

5.  My mom bought some ranunculus this week just for me!  It makes me very happy to see them in our yard.   Our neighborhood is finally starting to bloom.  

Mom also tells anyone passing by our house as she gardens, "My daughter is getting married in a month - I need to whip this garden into shape!"  Everyone is feeling the pressure.

6.  Anyone have any last-month-before-the-wedding spiritual tips?  I've been feeling the call to spend some time before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and need to make that a priority in the upcoming days.

7.  Adults make the world more complicated than it really is.  The truth of marriage and family, as told by my little neighbor (age 6): "You're going to get married...and then have babies!  You'll be a mama!"   All in God's time.

Have a wonderful weekend!    

Why Go To Church? - Pope Francis Edition

Each one of us longs for love, for truth, for life – and Jesus is all of these things in abundance!
— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) April 22, 2013

#7QT - Can This Week Be Over?

1.  What a week.  My heart is aching and my prayers are with all those suffering in Massachusetts and Texas.  May they know the Lord's comfort and peace during this fearful time.

2.  My sister threw my bachelorette party last Saturday, which was a total blast!  My sister, cousins, and friends made a merry band of 10; early Saturday morning a party limo picked us up at my house, to the astonishment of all the little kids in my neighborhood.  We drank champagne while we were driven to Wine Country, played games, and then wine tasted at three vineyards.  We were only supposed to have 3 wines at each vineyard...but we were given a lot more than that!  It was a beautiful, sunny day (a little cold) but everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  At the last vineyard, we had a picnic and danced to the DJ!  

 


3.  Everyone stayed at my house afterwards, and we ordered pizza and chatted. I think the last person left around 10:30 pm!  It was a long day!  9 am to 10 pm!

4.  I've finally started researching the CT-area I'll be living in with Bryan...and, whew, the library is only 6 minutes away from us.  My nerdy heart is happy.

5.  I also started looking for job opportunities, so please pray there are some good openings out there, and that I will have a relatively easy time finding a new job.  Thanks so much!

6.  My hair and makeup trial last night was fantastic!  I am SO excited at how everything turned out.  My sister said I couldn't stop grinning - and I couldn't! I've had some problems with acne for the past few years and my hair has been wonky lately but with a little extra help from the styling manager, I was glowing.  I feel so confident that I will be happy with how I look on the wedding day!  That sounds silly but it brings me a lot of peace.

7.  Tomorrow is the first free Saturday morning I've had since mid-March!  I can't wait to sleep in!

Have a great weekend!            

#7QT: A Snippet of Life

1.  This is how fancy my family is:

Dad:  I finally bought us good coffee this week!  Not that horrible stuff your mother bought from the dollar store.
Me: Mmm...
Dad:  7-11 coffee, oh yeah!

2.  Once a month, Bryan and I argue over our accents.  We tend to pronounce A's differently from each other.  For instance, the name Tara.  He says tear*-ah.  (As in, "Tear this paper to pieces.")  I say TAAH-ruh.  So we go back and forth for a while.  

Tara.  

Kara.  

Carolyn.  

Sarah.  

Hannah.  

Even now, I am terrible at distinguishing vowel sounds.  Short A, long a.  Huh?!  My mom tried to teach me every time one of my siblings had that lesson in kindergarten and first grade but to no avail.  

It was with great sadness I realized this week, "Noooo, our kids are going to have your A accent because I can't teach them the vowel sounds!!!"

Bryan laughed for 20 minutes.

3.  Speaking of Bryan, did you check out Part 1 of Our Love Story - Yes, I Met the Love of My Life Online?  It's finally up!  I'm so grateful that man asked me out!

4.  I am really going to miss my town library after I move to Connecticut!  They always have a nice selection of books and dvds and are so helpful.  

Is it weird that I'm feeling sentimental over a library?  When we were kids, my sister B. and I used to ride our bikes to the library (about 15 minutes away), borrow enough books to fill a backpack, and then ride to the pizzeria to get 25 cent garlic knots and a side of sauce (all that our allowance could buy).  So many good memories!

5.  If you've moved, what are your tips for adjusting into a new area?  What should I be thinking of that I'm probably not?

Sparkling Pointe

6.  Last weekend, I helped throw a brunch for work in a beautiful winery on the North Fork of Long Island.  It was a wonderful day!  The guests were happy, the food was excellent, and the champagne was delightful.  I think everyone left happy.

7.  Tomorrow I get to spend another day on the North Fork!  My sister is throwing me a wine tasting bachelorette party.  We're being picked up by a limo and driven around to 3 or 4 vineyards; are served a picnic lunch; and swing by a farm on our way back.  It will be such a treat to spend time with my sister, cousins, and friends!

Our Love Story - Part 1 - Yes, I Met the Love of My Life Online

Part 1 - Yes, I Met the Love of My Life Online

 

The first thing I remember thinking about Bryan was, “Oooh, how fun - a young Catholic guy blogger! They are sorely missing.”

It was March 2011, and I was sitting at my desk, trolling Twitter and blogs.  I think Elizabeth first linked to him; how she found him, I don't know.  He'd written a few personal posts about his journey back to Catholicism after falling away during high school, college, and his mid-twenties, and I immediately felt proud of him and thankful for his witness.  The first comment I left on his blog reads, “Thank you for sharing, Bryan. It takes courage to speak so honestly of the past.”

We started reading each other's blogs and chatting via Twitter, forming an online friendship, which I know many of you understand, especially those in CathSorority.  He lived outside of Detroit; I live outside of New York City.   It was fun and light and neither of us was thinking any further than that.  I liked chatting with him and looked forward to seeing him online.  He was very faith-filled and funny! 

In mid-April 2011, Bryan sent me an email about a post I'd written.  We started sharing our pasts, our struggles, and our hopes in a series of email exchanges.  “I kinda get the sense that we could have some good conversations,” Bryan wrote.  “It's almost like we deal with many of the same issues, but maybe in different ways.”  God in his sense of humor reminds me of this quote often because, yes, we handle things very differently! 

We started to Gchat and continued our discussions in real time instead of emailing back and forth.  Quite soon after, Bryan asked if we could meet up in New York City.   He'd been accepted into a Career Development Program for work, where for almost once a month for more than half a year, he had to travel to nearby New Jersey!  Although I didn't know it at the time, he'd applied the year before but was the last person not accepted, which was a great disappointment to him.  Bryan almost didn't apply again in 2011, but his boss gently pushed him to try again.  Thankfully, he did!  We had the chance to meet up in May, and I accepted.

A few days before Bryan's trip here, I wrote him an email and cancelled on him.  It was a short and blunt email, and the words “nervous” and “anxious” are heavily featured.  I was afraid.  I hadn't admitted to myself that I liked Bryan yet because 1) I never wanted to have a long-distance relationship; and 2) I didn't think I could do long-distance relationships; and 3) Was I crazy to  *possibly* have a crush on a guy I'd never met or spoken to?  I played it off that I was nervous he might miss a business opportunity, which I truly was, but honestly, I was worried about meeting in person.   Also, I had no clue if he liked me liked me (yes, I'm secretly a fifth grader) or if he was just curious about meeting a fellow blogger.  We'd also never spoken, just emailed and Gchatted often.

I cancelled bluntly but Bryan responded with grace.  He thanked me for being concerned for him and expressed his disappointment.   He also suggested that if I was more comfortable in June, we could try again and he'd stay an extra weekend with a friend in New York City, so nothing would be work-related and he wouldn't miss any work opportunities. 

I didn't give him a definite answer.

As his May work trip came and went and he left the East Coast to fly home without us meeting, my heart sunk in my chest.  “WHY DID YOU TURN DOWN MEETING A MAN YOU LIKE???” my heart screamed.  I panicked and wondered if I'd blown my chance.

Thankfully, Bryan didn't take my resistance to meeting to heart and God urged him onward.  After one of our Twitter chats, he wrote out the first chapter of a book he wanted to recommend to me and sent it via email, along with a request to talk about it over the phone.

I said yes, and we planned for a few days later.   Stupidly, I missed his phone call because I was too busy asking my mom, “Is this crazy???” Feeling nervous, I called him back.

He answered on the first or second ring, and his voice was so soothing.  It's taken me a long time not to be a ball o' nerves talking on the phone; as a kid, even ordering pizza made me squirm and dial-and-hang-up a hundred times.  But at the sound of his voice, I relaxed.  I liked his faint Midwest accent.  He was easy to talk with.  He had a big laugh.  We chatted for maybe 20 minutes about the book chapter and 2 hours more about anything and everything.   Faith.  Family.  Friends.  Hobbies.  Dreams.  Dating scenarios (looking back, I see he asked some pointed questions, but I just thought he was curious about my opinions).  As I went to bed that night, I was truly very pleasantly surprised. 

After that phone call, we spoke to each other once or twice a week, and Bryan asked to take me out in June.  I was so happy he was direct, and I didn't have to deal with the "Is this a date or not?" internal drama.  Without hesitating, I agreed, although I was still cautiously guarding my heart.  How could this work out?

Check back next week for Part 2:

He Wasn't a Twitter Killer

and

God Urged Me Onward at World Youth Day Madrid

Spiritual Motherhood Reminder

The world longs, too, for spiritual mothers. That is why Blessed Teresa of Calcutta was considered a living saint while she was on earth, and is halfway to canonization within the Catholic Church. She, the religious sister who never bore a child, gave birth to a revolution of love in India and around the world. Mother Teresa, being the personal channel of mother-love to thousands, became the founder and Mother Superior to the Missionaries of Charity in a worldwide mission.

We miss her, don't we? But that is the point. Mother Teresa's kind of love is attractive and amazingly filled with hope and inspiration. She was a credible witness.

We women must become like her, but with our unique identities. We must be formed with the heart of Christ and the bosom of Mary who cherishes Jesus' love completely, such that we live its transformation both in ourselves as we pass it on through our mothering, both physical and spiritual.

- Pat Gohn, "Wanted: Spiritual Fathers and Mothers"

P.S.  Check out Pat's new book, Blessed, Beautiful, and Bodacious, where she also tackles the idea of spiritual motherhood!

#7QT: The Last Few Weeks

1.  Our wedding is 50 days away!  Today would have been the perfect day to publish part one of Our Love Story but since I'm not ready for that (to hit publish, I mean) here are some teasers to get you excited:

2.  Did you know...?

• Bryan and I  met through our blogs!
• I drank half a Cosmo before meeting Bry for our first date (won't tell our future kids that).
• I never wanted nor thought I could be in a long-distance relationship...   
• But we lived 680 miles apart for our first 11 months of dating (boo).
• I am the worst secret keeper but managed to surprise visit him once, with the help of his parents and boss. 
• I emailed all the Catholic bloggers with long-distance relationship experience I could find and begged them for advice.
• The first time I realized I loved Bryan, I cried in my bathroom.

3.  A few weeks ago, a bunch of PA/NJ/NY CathSorority girls gathered for a dumpling-making party and afternoon cocktails. We had so much fun!  It was great to see and hear everyone in person, and I'm glad to say we got along as well as we do online.  Thanks to Kassie for proposing the event!  

What are your couple selfie taking secrets?  We're not good at it!

4.   After months of wedding planning stress, Bryan and I enjoyed having a private tasting at our wedding reception venue.  We were seated in a room which overlooks a golf course and the faint Manhattan skyline and were served by a private, white-gloved waiter.  We felt so fancy!  The food was delicious, and I even dared to try the seafood (still not a fan).  

The tasting made me so excited for our wedding day!  No one will be disappointed with the atmosphere or food!

5.  How did you #LiveLent?  I didn't read the Gospel of Luke every night, like I vowed, but did finish the Gospel by Holy Week.  I can feel a change in my heart, which makes me very glad, and felt deeply moved by the Holy Thursday Mass.  I've grown less nervous about going to confession, too!      

5.  My mom threw my bridal shower last Saturday!   Although I knew the date, I didn't know the time or place, and Bryan was instructed to blindfold me and drive me to the venue.  When I took the blindfold off, I was surrounded by loving friends and family members in a gorgeous room filled with balloons, roses, gifts, and lots of wine!  


6.  Before I arrived at the shower, my mom asked all the guests to write marriage advice on paper hearts and place them in a vase.  Later, I read the advice aloud, which was great fun and was one of my favorite moments at the shower.  My little cousins begged me not to forget them after I move; others suggested lots of prayer and cuddle time; and someone anonymously wrote, "Keep it spicy.  Always." 

7.  The sun is shining and the temperatures have been s-l-o-w-l-y rising.  Here's to a great Spring!