Friday, March 25, 2011

Blood Boiling

On Tuesday, I attended my Young Adult group's Spiritual Classics Book Club.  Somehow we veered off the topic of Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales and engaged in a hearty talk on dating in modern American culture.  One of my dear friends admitted that she'd had an upsetting chat over the weekend with someone who told her that if she didn't play by modern rules (sleeping together relatively soon, etc.), she wouldn't find anyone to date, let alone marry.

The minute I heard this I began to seethe.  Literally turned red, blood boiling, hands shaking.  Because who DARES to tell my beautiful, delightful friend that unless she decides to devalue sex, her body, her soul, she won't be able to find a husband?  WHO DARES?

Isn't the body the Temple of the Holy Spirit? 

Can we get a little respect please?

If you have a brain, heart, dreams, and want a meaningful, chaste relationship, you might as well give up? 

You're only worth one part of your body, didn't you know! 

If you have a vagina and are willing to play, you're in!  If not, you're out!


When Jesus saw his Father's Temple turned into a marketplace, he was consumed with zeal, drove out the livestock with with a whip, and overturned tables in anger (John 2: 15-16).  Maybe it's time to show our anger.  No more mincing words.  Call the hook up culture for what is it: blatant use of another person's body.  Remind people that IT IS NOT OKAY.  I don't care if two people agree to use each other.  I don't care if it feels good.  I don't care if you don't care.  IT IS NOT OKAY.

My sister and I once had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: So your friends are dating?
Sister: No, hooking up.
Me: They really like each other?
Sister: Uhh, they're just hooking up.
Me: So they're using each other?
Sister: I mean, if you want to put it that way...

Well, yes, I do want to put it that way.  Because that's what it is, and I'm disgusted by it.  That someone might dare to view my family members or my friends as one body part, specifically one naked body part, makes my blood boil.  Each person is a unique, beloved child of God, and our culture wants to make us into nothing more than writhing masses.  It's sickening.  It's maddening.  It's disgusting. 

Time to start cracking the whip!


  1. Not to sound totally 1994-ish, but- You go, girl!!!

  2. I reeeeaaally wish I had been there, T. You are right, who dares?! But it's manipulative. If a boy says that, then say, go find another hand to hold. Because mine is busy slapping yo' face.

  3. Well done!! I can feel the fire from here. So ridiculous.

    P.S. BAHHH hahaha Julie.

  4. Awesome Post! That is exactly the message I convey to my students! Zeal for the temple of the holy spirit should consume us! Too many times we fall victim to infdifference because of semantics. We see this with "Pro-choice" and "Featl Tissue" and "termination of pregnancy" as well. May the fire of purity continue to burn in your heart Trista and may your dedication and zeal for this call us into a deeper form of action. Thank you for this post!

  5. AMEN sista! You tell 'em!
    I'm so tired of trying to have to impart this wisdom onto my youth group kids, only to have them turn around and give in to the world. It's so sad.

  6. I love the "Oh, you're gonna wanna have sex before you get married" comment I get from people all the time. No, no I'm not, but thank you. Geesh.

  7. Go Julie! Sounds like something I would say, except with a little more of a Southern accent :)

    Wonderful post!! I agree; it's disgusting and degrading to think that a person would only want you for one thing and one thing alone. Unfortunately, it reminds me of too many young people, but I'm glad to see others who are willing to approach relationships the way they should be. Well done :)

  8. Hell yeah, that's how I speak also.

    I can become unfiltered (most of the time), so when someone says they're running in the Susan G. Komen race, I say that you're funding the killing of innocent unborn babies.

    Lost a date on that last quote a couple of years ago.

    And that conversation was to an alleged good Catholic!

    Yes, they are using each other for sex. What else are they doing? Sheesh.

    //blood simmering.

    Great post.

  9. The last girl I went on a date with, I was attracted to her because she wore a purity ring, and, she wore it proudly. This was the time after I returned to my faith, so I was looking for someone exactly like her, someone who'll play by God's rules, not society's.

    (But as you now know, God had something else in mind for me.)

    Assure your friend that guys like us are out there. Although not all as dashingly handsome as I am... hehehehe.

  10. "Well, how will you know you want to STAY married unless you have an affair?" We follow this trail of un-thought to a very ugly end. Must I always do something I know to be wrong in order to know I don't want to do it?

  11. Amen sister! I used to buy into this horrible reasoning, and it led me to do things before I was married that I now deeply regret.

    Everyone deserves better!

  12. My Sisters and I were just talking about this very thing. How do we help young people know their own value as Children of God - that their lives MEAN something more, MUCH MORE, than what is sold to them on tv fiction like SATC and Glee?

    I agree with Homeboy 100% - purity is true beauty. We need to help others to desire these things, like in Philippians 4:8:

    "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

    Thanks for your post, that voices the frustration we feel too. God bless!

  13. I think your conversation with your sister is very telling. They don't like each other, they're just hooking up! Wow! Completely the opposite idea of your friendship post!

    Great post! Keep that fire!

  14. Keep being a good role model. Good job and God bless!

  15. I usually just am quiet around some of my old friends when they speak so casually about the physical aspects of their relationships....maybe I should not be so afraid to confidently share some of the good news with them?

    I am also angry many times when hear such an ugly message preached. I am even more upset when one of my dear friends or family members subscribes to that way of thinking out of desperation for being in a relationship.

    Great post!

  16. I hope your friend gave whoever told her that a piece of her mind! I don't honestly know if it's worse if it's said by a girl or a guy—the guy can be written off as a pig, but the girl who says that is a traitor to her sex. You tell it like it is, Trista!

  17. Totally agree! As a recent college grad from a passionately Catholic university, I can attest that you and your friend are not alone in your beliefs. I have developed great friendships with Catholic women and men who think the same way, but I also have a lot of friends who don't see things in quite the same way. It was definitely culture shock coming home after graduation last summer and trying to spend time and support my girlfriends who are in impure relationships/live with their significant others. I think the most important thing is to pray for these people and be a powerful witness! God bless.