Week Five: Issue(s) with the Church
"Half measures" by Elizabeth Hillgrove
"Going to the Mattresses: One Girl's Take on Faith and Feelings" by Julie Robison
This is the fifth blog post in a series from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young twenty-something Catholic women. We're here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!
The Church's Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
In my worst moments, I've been known to echo Kanye West, and assert this completely stupid statement: The Church doesn't care about young people. Now, I'm not talking about the youth. There are plenty of youth groups, programs, fashion shows, Father-Son Lunches, and Mother-Daughter Teas geared towards bringing teens up in the faith. I'm not talking about kids. Religious Education programs and Vacation Bible Schools for children do pretty well and are popular. I'm talking about young adults. People in their twenties and thirties.
What leads me to speak so stupidly? I see a self-fulfilling prophecy in action: Young Adults (in this case meaning the majority of Confirmed Young Adult Catholics) don't participate in Church events...so the Church doesn't hold events for Young Adults...so no Young Adults participate in Church events.
It seems like the Church has accepted defeat in holding onto her flock. "Oh, those young adults, we don't see 'em til they get married and have kids. And even then, only every once in a while!" I'm tired of hearing this. In accepting defeat, we are accepting the possibility of mortal sin and allowing the evils of this world to snatch up our beloved friends and family. Twenties and thirties is the time to continue formation. It's when the ills of this world - sex outside of marriage, addiction to pornography, disregard for the Sacraments, etc. - have the chance to tunnel into souls. Evil flourishes as the Church (seemingly) sits on her heels and says, "Oh well, we wouldn't have reached them anyway."
And why couldn't we reach them? Because there is no community. Most parishes don't hold Young Adult groups, or if they do, they are often suspiciously filled with the same people you find in the Adult Faith Formation Group. Every practicing Young Adult Catholic I know has funny stories about being the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years for a parish mission or Catholic organization.
"Catholic Daughters of America?" one woman asked. "Should be Catholic Great-Great-Grandmothers," she quipped, making me laugh.
The one or two programs run by the Diocese are usually held once a month, which is not enough time to form community. When Young Adults (if they're blessed enough to find each other) try to organize on their own, many parishes turn them away, unable to support them because they're not parish organizations. The groups have a short shelf life on their own, and then...poof....they're gone.
And I'm left scratching my head. What was the point of Religious Education and Youth Groups, then? Why build a faith community for youth and then stop it when we are young adults, when we need it the most? Why are we surprised when Young Adults don't show up to Mass? Or have an elementary understanding of the Sacraments? Or live lives contrary to Church teachings? If the Church cares for us, why isn't she seeking us and supporting us? Why is she content to have the majority of her flock lost? Why must it be such a struggle for Young Adult Catholics to find each other?
We need to stop this self-fulfilling prophecy. If we want Young Adults in the Church, we have to stop accepting defeat and begin to actively look for Young Adults. Social media needs to be embraced on the parish level. Websites need to be kept updated and relevant. If parishes can't support groups, the least they can do is help get the word out through the parish bulletin. Small groups must be given time and space so that community can grow. If we do this, slowly but surely, we will attract Young Adults back to the Church.
Amen!! Ahh tell it, sister! "What was the point of Religious Education and Youth Groups, then?"
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! Isn't this what you wanted?! Did you want us to be eager to participate with one another in our twenties and thirties?! So well done, Trista! I feel the heat and it makes me mad too. Time for a change.
It's about reaching souls.
I agree with this post. I wandered away from the church when I was in my 20s, and did not return for ten years. Although, I am fully responsible for this break with the church, I also think having a support system such as you described in your post would have helped. Our parish does have a dynamic, 20 something youth minister who has created the YACHT club (Young Adults Choosing Heaven Together) and organizes Theology on Tap at a local pub, however I know this is not the case in every parish.
ReplyDeleteI was 23 when I found the real Catholicism that I had been yearning for all my life... that being said, I live in an amazing area that really focuses on young adults because there are so many young professionals in the DC area. But there are young adult retreats, happy hours, theology on taps, etc etc etc at least once a week, if not more. So I have trouble finding time to attend everything I want!
ReplyDeleteThat being said, where I grew up in Ohio, there was no focus on young adults at all... not much focus on the youth either, at least teaching the Catechism... so I can totally understand this point. But again, I think it does depend on the area and diocese.
I think you have your finger on the pulse with this post Trista. The Church just assumes young adults are unreachable. How far from the truth. JPII was a living testament to the fact that young adults are willing and capapble of recognizing the "Splendor of Truth". Lets keep up the work in the vineyard and the fruits will come.
ReplyDeleteI have been mulling over ideas for a diocesan young adult conference. Matt Maher, Jason Everett, some REAL speakers who will teach ans challenge us. What do you think?
Yes! I absolutely agree! If you want people to be involved in the Church beyond their kid's baptism, you need to get them plugged in beforehand.
ReplyDeleteThe Catholic young adult scene here in Delaware is pretty dismal, although the diocese is currently running a detailed survey that hints they want to change that. I feel so out of place when I go to Mass alone - I'm not a college kid, I'm not a parent, so where do I fit in? And I definitely went to a Theology on Tap in St. Louis where the audience was all people my parents' age. I wish I were closer to the DC area, where Young Adult ministry is thriving.
Yeah, there's a chasm in there. We've got some gung-ho kids in the Youth Ministry. Then we've got the old people. We Confirm them and they won't come back until they start worrying about the afterlife!
ReplyDeleteGod be praised, we've been having luck recruiting a lot of the eighteen year old young men into the Knights of Columbus, straight out of the Youth Ministry. I pray they stick around and mature with these gentlemanly examples, and their youthful presence attracts more people their age to get involved.
I'm not sure which would be better, more young people participating in established groups, or new groups that cater to the young.
ReplyDeleteIf I may reflect my own experiences and I think the experiences of many young Catholics, like most self-fulfilling prophecies, the driving force behind this one is fear. The reason why we don't have ministry geared towards us is because of fear. You mentioned quite correctly that we are the ones who in some ways need ministry the most, and most desperately. And that is often the reason why that ministry is not there, or why it is weak; it takes great strength and great faith to step into the darkest places and speak light into them. It takes a great courage to speak about sex, pornography, addictions, the importance of the sacraments, the importance of our souls, the importance of our faithfulness to the Church and importance of our dependence on God to a generation that everyone tells you (and it is partially true) will reject you. It is easy to speak to children, what is scary is running out of the pen and beating down the wolves in order to save those lost sheep.
ReplyDeleteTo a degree, the onus must be on us (<-cool word play?) as well. Annoy your priests, remind them of how much young people need their help, especially if they are too comfortable with where they are at. Take the initiative to push things forward yourself. Find speakers, give talks yourself, take advantage of the great media available (it is pretty cool to get a group of young adults and listen to/watch recorded talks), hang out and watch movies (just watched Of Gods and Men with some friends), and just don't be afraid to talk about faith. Formal programs are nice and I definitely wish more effort was put out in more places to organize them and make them more accessible, but just as Church begins in the home, as we don't have families yet, that maxim can be equally true when we open our homes to our peers. In my experience, that is where true community is often built. Don't be afraid to start something with a short shelf life, because if each person touched by that ministry got a fraction of your passion they will join your struggle, annoying the priests and bishops and starting short shelf life ministries of their own :) I've seen wonders done despite indifferent or overburdened pastors; we have to carry some of that load. We have to keep working at it and make sure we don't become a part of that self-fulfilling prophecy, always waiting for someone else to take the initiative. We can't wait, because we should admit that we are a part of that self-fulfilling prophecy; it is scary and frustrating for us too. It is not easy to talk about faith to our peers, to share our own struggles, to reach out to Catholics who have fallen/are falling away. I know I'm pretty weak at that, which is why to some degree I can understand the status quo and why I definitely want to change it.
Your second graf is spot on, T! This post is, unfortunately, too true. When they make the Church the culture, that is when people become attracted to it. People crave realness.
ReplyDeleteBoy, this hits me where I live! When I started working my way back in my mid-twenties—y'know, the Dark Ages before the Internet and social media—I was on my own, picking up what little I could find, first stumbling across Mortimer Adler, then C.S. Lewis, then Fr. Andrew Greeley's sociological work, but never striking paydirt until I started researching Catholic apologetics. Had something like Theology On Tap been available at that time, that might have shortened the journey and saved some miscalculations.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely a market for the message, and the bishops need to find a way to tap into it. Great post!
Trista - I agree sooo much!
ReplyDeleteI've bothered my parish's pastor & youth/YA minister to try to start something up, even a seasonal holy hour. But I've been given the heave-ho, and ignored. So thankful to have folks like you and opportunities to meet other Catholic Young Adults.
exactly! i love this entire post because it is so so true. luckily, i'm still in college and have the opportunity to have a catholic center full of activities and friends but i'm worried how things will be when i graduate!
ReplyDeleteHi Peter, thanks for that great comment! I agree that as Young Adults we have to take initiative and keep pushing for more programs and creating our own spaces. I think that when we are shouldering that load, though, the Diocese and parishes have to help more - grant space, talk it up, help make good connections. We cannot do it fully on our own and we shouldn't have to.
ReplyDelete"Twenties and thirties is the time to continue formation."
ReplyDeleteAmen!
(And, of course, formation doesn't end there...or ever!?)
I appreciate this blog, and all of the impassioned comments. I wonder who is in relationship with any young adults in the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area? I have the good fortune to work for a group of rocking nuns (that sort of saved my life when I was teaching in a tough public school, two blocks from their monastery) who engage with/ involve many young adults in their world/ work.
In my vocations work, I have opportunity after opportunity to meet these 20-30 somethings coming to the Visitation Sisters' functions. They are on fire, alive, active and some, well organized. They aren't all Catholic, either, but impassioned Christians who have found and created community under the auspices of some organization that has seen their gifts and forged spaces, ie, allocated resources for them to convene, retreat, work, and live and grow in their faith alongside one another. (Some of these groups include: the Basilica Young Adults, Urban Neighbors through Urban Homeworks, Cathedral Young Adults, Creighton Coeds from the Center for Service and Justice in Omaha, Ne; the Celeste's Dream cohort, under the Sisters of St. Joseph in St. Paul... Has anyone heard of the Basilica Block party in Minneapolis? It's a two-day rock concert on the Basilica Church grounds - fashioned after Old St. Pat's in Chicago. It's a fundraiser that is pretty much run by Young Adults. They come to the Basilica, get involved, and grow together in other ministerial ways...And the Visitation Sisters have now created the "Visitation Internship Program for Young Adults who want to live a life of service for a year in community with other Catholic young adults! See: http://www.visitationmonasteryminneapolis.org/visitation-companions/visitation-internship-program-vip/)
What I love, in my brief foray into this online world of sisterly blog/twitter/ facebook alignment that is the glorious BRIGHT MAIDENS, is the way you are living your faith lives as young adult catholics, being the leadership and change, so to speak, that you so desire! It's inspiring. As someone who spent her late 20's and all of her 30's engaged in various groups - of a wide age range - that evolved eventually toward faith in action, justice, service and leadership work, I'm with you. I am committed, alongside these beloved older sisters I have made a life-long-commitment to, to support such endeavors for other young adults.
You are in my prayers.
Peace,
Melissa Borgmann-Kiemde,
Visitation Companion
Visitation Sisters of north Minneapolis
Trista, you've given me a lot to think about! You are so right and now that you've made your point so well I feel compelled to do something about it where I live. Amen!
ReplyDeleteI'm finding it hard to accept the premise of the article.
ReplyDeleteIf a young adult feels funny about being the youngest person in the room, maybe it's because they have a hangup about being around older adults. Maybe it is their own problem that has to be worked out. Perhapse it is how society has taught our young to treat older adults, a refelction of societies dismissal of anyone over 40 years of age.
EEEW! They have wrinkles! And some of them actually drive Buicks!!!
We are one body. One Church. One Christ. One Mass. One Eucharist. One Blessed Mother. Why does there need to be a seperate "Scene" for Catholic young adults? What are you going to do there that you can't do in the presence of anyone over 35 years of age? Drink Cappucino and listen to Foo Fighters MP3's? You have Starbucks for that.
Being a member of the Body of Christ is about giving, so join an adult ministry and contribute what you can and forget about how old or young anyone is.
-Tim-
Tim, thank you for commenting. As a young adult, I attend whatever events interest me, no matter what the age range.
ReplyDeleteThe young adults I'm familiar with do not show any signs of having "hangups" around older adults. We don't care about wrinkles, bad clothing, old cars - heck, I drive a Ford Aerostar. Have you seen what that thing looks like?!
We are all one body, yes! But that doesn't mean we can't/don't have age appropriate groups or gender geared groups. Are you as annoyed about Men's Ministry and Women's Ministry? Do you recognize that men and women have different needs? My Diocese also has a Ministry to Catholics of African Ancestry, Haitian-American Apostolate, Italian-American Apostolate, etc. The Church responds appropriately.
What's the point of a Catholic Young Adult scene? It should be an area of support. Young Adults should feel comfortable talking about topics that are relevant to our lives. There is no way I'm going to ask certain questions with my friend's Grandma sitting next to me.
We threw open the doors, and the world did not enter the Church. To the contrary, the Church more and more, became entangled in the world. Get a true appeal to the hearts of men, and they will come.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Trista! It has little (or nothing) to do with not being comfortable around older people, it's just nice to be around people your age that you can relate to. I am a daily mass goer and almost always the youngest in the room (I'm 23). Anything special that my parish does or organizes is almost always done and organized by the same people. It's wonderful that they are active but it's almost like a club that is not too keen on new members. I'm Hispanic and very attached to popular devotions. Unfortunately in my area the ONLY people who seem to know what a procession is or pray novenas are Filipino grandmas. It's nice and God bless them for being involved but it would be so awesome to see young people there and actually having friends my age whose only thoughts are not sex,drugs and rock&roll...it's tough being a single Catholic college student...
ReplyDeleteIf you really want to get people to church when they're in their twenties and thirties you need to start young. This means good teaching of the faith; the basics, just cover the basics really good. This means: heaven, hell purgatory, sins, grace, mercy, virtue, vice, repentance, the sacraments, apologetics etc. Many Catholics don't think that hell exists and have no idea what grave matter/mortal sins are (grave matter: missing holy mass on holy days of obligation, taking the Lord's name in vain, getting drunk, using drugs, not just murder).
ReplyDeleteThen, once they get to their twenties and thirties then you can keep them in with good prayer groups, discussions of deeper theology, talk about social justice, living the Faith in the world, etc.
I am fortunate in that I go to a large university and we have a decent Newman club, but I have noticed that we don't talk too much about theology or philosophy and there isn't as much prayer as I'd expect (although there is some) and there is an over emphasis on "social justice".
@ not a minx
ReplyDeleteThere you go again.
You state that you have no hangups about old people but balk at the idea of support from a grandma. Getting support from someone your own age who is going through the same problems you are and can't figure it out for themselves might make you feel better but it's probably the last thing you should do if you want real spiritual guidance or advice about living the Christian life in our world. Consider that grandma has probably gone through exactly what you have and then some and can probably provide you real advice and help.
Young people think that they are the first people in the history of creation to ever have had this problem or that problem. Maybe I never had to struggle with getting an app to work on an iPod but I held my own daughter in my arms when she died, had a wife of 16 years walk out leaving me with 8 and 12 year old girls to raise on my own. I've wrecked cars, gotten hooked on drugs, been arrested... Get my point? I mean no offense here but gimme a break with this "Relevant to our lives" stuff. That IS life.
Mass is your first responsiblity as a Catholic, and that responsibility is not to the Church or the diocese but to God. Participation in the divine liturgy is like standing on the threshold of heaven. Why would you not go? Certianly not for lack of a support group or young adult ministry - to claim that is to have the Christian ideals turned on their head because the life of Christ is not about what any group including the Chruch can offer you. It's about utting your own needs aside and selflessly sacrificing yourself for the good of other people. Therin lies true happiness.
I think evangelical protestantism has given us this idea of "Journey groups" and "Support groups" and I personally don't like it. That's what mothers and fathers used to be for, and older brothers and sisters. I have a perfect support group for everyone. Go volunteer at a hospice. I guarantee that most of your problems will no longer bother you.
-Tim-
By the way, I admire the enthusiasm you all have for the Holy Catholic Church. It took me 45 years to finally realize that the Church is everything it claims to be and I hope God blesses you all for your zeal for His Kingdom on earth until Christ comes again.
ReplyDeleteJust keep fighting forward for God. That's the important part.
-Tim-
Trista, there is good news out there. We've been blessed with our Cathedral Dean here in Leeds (England), who started a group two years ago, simply by collecting all the young people he saw at Mass and introducing them to each other. Now, we have around 45 regular members, and more new faces all the time. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy as well - we spot a new young face in our parishes, and get talking, and tell them about the group.
ReplyDeleteThe regular meeting is vital, like you say. We meet every Thursday, and a couple of times a week informally as well. Tim is right about the input/support of 'grown ups', though it's collaborative in our case e.g. we ask the Dean for a series of talks on the Sacraments, and he contacts the speakers, and we organise the date. Don't give up on finding a priest who'll help you!
Tim - for many of us, this group has been a way in to the wider parish/diocese life e.g. volunteeing with SVP, singing in choir, and so on. It certainly hasn't turned us into social maladjusts who can't talk to 'old people'! Don't generalise about 'young people' ("young people think that they are the first people...") because that's just as bad as generalising about old people. I'm terribly sorry for what you've suffered, but that isn't life; it's YOUR life. Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that if someone can't "see your tragedy and raise you a catastrophe" then they don't have any genuine problems, worries, or anxieties.
Trista - are you English? I've never come across an American who prefers a "mug of tea" to a "cup of Joe"!
I relate to this post so much! After graduating from high school, I really haven't been able to find ways to participate at my local parish. Not anything for people my age, at least. I tried joining a Bible study, and I felt really out of place because everyone else there was 20-30 years older than me. Even when I go to daily Mass I feel like I get strange looks from the people there, and I fell like I stick out like a sore thumb because of my age. At least that doesn't prevent me from going, though. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, anonymous, I agree. To keep people in the faith, they need to be properly (and joyfully) catechized. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to have happened here, hence the great age gap between practicing Catholics.
ReplyDeleteTim, you wrote, "You state that you have no hangups about old people but balk at the idea of support from a grandma." Let me give you this scenario: I am attending my hometown parish's adult formation group. The group consists of 10 elderly folk (65+), a few middle aged (so, my parents' friends), and me. I've grown up with these people - know their kids, know their grandkids, etc.
Would I feel comfortable enough to say, "So last week I was hanging out with some of my girlfriends, and they all started discussing their favorite blow job techniques and how their boyfriends are so cute for paying half of the birth control pill costs. I felt really uncomfortable and didn't know how to react, so I just kinda laughed and asked if we could to change the subject to something less x-rated. What do you do in these situations? What do you think is appropriate?" Could I really say that with my childhood best friend's Grandmother sitting next to me??? I will be honest, no. I'm sorry but I just can't. Maybe Grandma did deal with that situation when she was younger. I don't know.
"Mass is your first responsiblity as a Catholic, and that responsibility is not to the Church or the diocese but to God...Why would you not go? Certainly not for lack of a support group or young adult ministry - to claim that is to have the Christian ideals turned on their head because the life of Christ is not about what any group including the Chruch can offer you." This is TRUE! But unfortunately the majority of Confirmed Young Adult non-practicing Catholics do not understand this. They have no idea why the Eucharist is so important. They are not coming to Mass. We can't expect that one day they are going to be hit over the head with the realization of what Mass truly is. I believe a step in the right direct to getting Young Adults involved again is to have a vibrant Young Adult ministry through which they can join; see that other perfectly normal, young practicing Catholics exist; and then get properly catechized, and then involved in their local parish. Like Chatto said, I believe it will open people to involvement in the rest of their parish, not keep them limited to the Young Adult group.
Tim, this has nothing to do with age. I work with RCIA and they were so happy to have me because I am young. That is one branch where age does not matter.
ReplyDeleteSupport, on the other hand, does matter. When I need to talk something through, whether it concerns me or my boyfriend, I want to have the faith and fellowship of other young Catholic-Christian adults. It's not that we're the first-- it's that we're going through it now. Young people support each other, just like earlier generations supported each other. It's not a caste system- I can go to older people for advice (and do!), but it's a different kind of friendship.
The Eucharist is the summit of the Christian life- but most of my Catholic friends from college don't practice their faith anymore, and certainly don't lose much sleep over missing Mass on Sunday. Relevancy is, fortunately or unfortunately, important. Pope Benedict XVI even discusses this in his intro to the new YouCat!
Christ is always relevant, but he plays into people's lives differently. That is why discernment is so important.
The pressures earlier generations faced were different, as are the problems. My grandparents were married in their low twenties, my parents were married at 25 and I, frankly, do not want to married in my late twenties-- but that is the pattern shaped today! Enjoy your youth, get married later, have kids later. It's a tough mold to break. My dad just told me last week how rare it is that both my boyfriend and I are virgins, and plan on staying so until marriage. Especially with social mores loosening up morals, young people need to know there is a Church there to support them, through the sacraments and through ministry.
Peter made great points about making the home a little church, and yes, that is important to be active in one's faith in all areas of one's life, be it watching a movie or having a conversation. God should be the air in our lungs! But young adult groups provide very necessary support and fellowship that, frankly, needs to be filled with people in similar situations. My grandmother has different spiritual needs and support than my mother does, and I have different ones from both of them. Age doesn't matter in the Church, but it does in other ways.
These are all great comments; thanks y'all!