As a mid-twenties Single person (103 days until my wedding!), I have always been baffled by strange and insensitive comments Singles receive, especially within the Church. Often times, the Single life is described as an easy life where one gets to run around with friends, drink champagne, live un-virtuously, and roll around in piles of money, since, ya know, the no kids thing.
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| *Photo not mine |
This outlook completely ignores the loneliness and confusion that the Single life has. It is not easy to discern that marriage is the state God intends for you, but that he has not introduced your spouse to you yet. There is no "12 steps program" to finding a spouse. God's time is God's timing. This can be very lonely, confusing, and distressing.
Then the "single life is more selfish" comments. Oh, please! As if God doesn't give us all the opportunities to die to self. This may not be in the same way as married couples are called to die to self, but he calls us all on the path to holiness, and suffering is always a part. I despise the ranking of who gets called to die to self more; it is totally inane.
Lastly, I don't know many Catholic singles who are carousing with tons of free time and oodles of money. Have you met the economy? Since I graduated college in 2009, I've worked at an amusement park, one unpaid internship, one internship that paid the same amount as my 17-year-old sister's hostessing job, half a year working six days a week and barely surviving, working at a parish, and finally in 2012, a job that pays a living wage.
I would love to see Catholics address the Single life in an encouraging, prayerful, and thoughtful way. Over at Ignitum Today, Elynne published an excellent article that expands on the "Three Myths About Single Life in the Church and Some Reflections for Dispelling Them." I would encourage everyone, single, married, or priest/religious, to check it out! Let's get a conversation going!
You are my heroine!
ReplyDeleteI love this post, thank you so much for writing it! =)
ReplyDeleteOh man I totally agree!!! I remember right after I graduated college in 2008/2009ish I went to Theology on Tap and the topic was social justice/helping the poor and they talked about the poverty rate and this guy (in the audience) got up and said, "Most of us make 10x the poverty rate and we need to be donating our money blah blah blah" and at the time I was either unemployed or making minimum wage and I was thinking uh...have you SEEN my paycheck?
ReplyDeleteI hate all the stereotypes we get! BOOOO!I'm not convinced that it's easier or harder for us I think it's more confusing and def. lonely for singles.
Great post!
"I'm not convinced that it's easier or harder for us I think it's more confusing and def. lonely for singles." My thoughts, too!
DeleteI echo Elizabeth. You are my heroine of the day!!
ReplyDeleteI was actually just pondering this over the weekend - how we always pray for religious vocations and the married life at Mass (which is AWESOME!!!) but we hardly ever ever ever hear parishes pray for the single vocation! We need to! Fruitful single vocations lead to fruitful marriages and priests and nuns and single laypersons! But how do we change this?
I wish would pray for holy single people more often as a Church!
DeleteTrista, I have several very dear (older) friends who have been living the single vocation all of their lives and are tireless examples of good cheer, service to others, and spreading the Good News. I have repeatedly bugged one of them to post about her experience, and she hasn't done it. I agree we need more of these posts. Being a lifelong single is not the same as living selfishly, but neither does it have to be lonely, unfulfilling, or unfulfilled.
ReplyDeleteThat would be great if they would write about it! People really need guidance on this subject!
DeleteThank you for this post. I've been feeling frustrated that I'm a young, single, professional gal, but without the stereotypical oodles of money to burn. Sure, there are some fun and wholesome ways for Catholics to meet other young Catholic people, but without money, it's not so easy: just taking the train to the city (I live in the 'burbs) and buying dinner out is a big chunk of my inadequate income (I work two jobs). Thanks for bringing up that point, Trista!
ReplyDelete"It is not easy to discern that marriage is the state God intends for you, but that he has not introduced your spouse to you yet. There is no "12 steps program" to finding a spouse. God's time is God's timing. This can be very lonely, confusing, and distressing."
ReplyDeleteYes. A thousand times yes. (100 brownie points to whoever can name that scene!) Thank you for acknowledging these feelings. As a single woman who has discerned into marriage (or as much as one can without being dating or engaged), it is so hard to be patient and yet to feel at times that I'm behind. And then I have to give myself a stern pep talk (I'm only 22!) If you know of any young, single bloggers who write on this topic, I would love to be pointed in their direction :)
Hi Morgan! Great to hear from you. Although I am getting married soon, I have a big heart for Catholic singles and will continue to write about Singles issues. Are you familiar with Seraphic Singles or worthyofagape.com? Both are awesome! Seraphic is a now-married lady with tons, tons of great advice; Amanda at Worthy of Agape is a vibrant Single, who is currently dating. Much love to you xo
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