Bryan and I have heard this question many times - at every family gathering, every work event, and every phone call with friends. Married life is good! I am so blessed to have Bryan as my husband and to be his wife.
Some people, I suspect, are asking because they're hoping for different answers. Since we didn't live together before marriage, the secular-minded folks are wondering if they'll be privy to litanies of wrongdoings, strange routines, and shocking things we didn't know. We've been disappointing them at every turn. Maybe I'm too practical: living with anyone will bring chaos to one's little abode. Living with my family took adjusting. Living with roommates in college took adjusting. How could living with my spouse not take the same? Just because we love each other doesn't negate the fact that living with another person means things won't go your way every time. So yes, we've had some squabbles, differences in decorating, and adjustments to different routines.
While we've been adjusting, I've been clinging and praying with passages from Dear Newlyweds: Pope Pius XII Speaks to Married Couples. When I find myself holding tight to selfish preferences to the detriment of my marriage, Pope Pius asks me to reconsider. I invite you to ponder his words, too:
Surely, dear newlyweds, with every means at your disposal you will protect this precious harmony against the perils of internal and external dissension - two perils above all: suspicions too quickly aroused and resentments too slowly allayed (43)
...in ordinary daily life how many minor disagreements, how many slight clashes there are which can create a latent, sorrowful state of aversion between husbands and wives if a remedy is not found at once!...Dear sons and daughters, you should be ready every day to forgive wrongs received in family or social life, as indeed every day you will repeat on your knees before the image of the Crucified One, "Our Father...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" (Mt. 6:12) (51)
|Picking china took hours!|
From the same love which gave rise to the desire for the intimate fusion of your souls, you will derive the zeal and the courage to make suitable adjustments of your tastes, refusing to yield to the temptation of selfishness and indolence. Does not God's providence, which has thus united you, ask all this of the generosity of your heart? (60)
One must be sincerely dedicated to cooperation. That dedication is not learned from books but taught by a heart which loves working together in the management of the household; it is reciprocal love, mutual concern and care for the family nest; it watches in order to learn, learns in order to act, and acts in order to lend a hand to one's helpmate; in short, that dedication is the slow and mutual education and fashioning of married life which is necessary for two souls teaching each other how to strive for the attainment of a true and intimate collaboration.